


dear child of mine

by glitteringconstellations



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But no one dies, Family, Farewells, Gen, Keith's father goes through the five stages of grief, Origin Story, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 09:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13924746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitteringconstellations/pseuds/glitteringconstellations
Summary: Krolia went to Earth in search of a Lion, and found a family, instead. She learned what it meant to love and be loved, and she learned that sometimes, loving someone means letting them go.Or,Krolia cradles Keith in her arms for the last time.





	dear child of mine

The thing that struck Krolia, as she held the sleeping child, was how _small_ he was. 

An evening breeze set the child’s hair fluttering softly, the ember orange glow of the sun casting long shadows over the curves of his face. Even in sleep, though, the boy held fast to her finger, a tiny fist clenched tight and unrelenting as she rocked him. 

“Krolia?” 

A hum passed her lips, and she turned her head to acknowledge the man standing in the doorway. Concern painted his face as he paused, before coming to join her on the patio swing. 

“You sure you should be out here and not resting? You’ve had a long couple of days.”

Krolia chose not to answer him. Not right away, at least. Instead she focused back on her child, eyes roving over every inch of his face as though it might give her the answers she searched for. At length, she sighed. 

“I’ve been reassigned,” she said simply, gaze still turned to their son. Best to rip off the bandage in one go. “I’m to depart before sunrise tomorrow.”

She didn’t have to look at him to know what his reaction would be. She felt it, felt it in the way his body went rigid beside her, heard it in the way his breath hitched. 

“What…?” He struggled to find words, to make sense of it, she knew, and she could feel the first stirrings of guilt low in her gut. “But we… you… you’ve been here for years. You still haven’t found the Lion. Why now?”

Krolia bowed her head, stroking her thumb along the back of the tiny palm that still gripped her forefinger. “Kolivan believes it is for the best. The Empire has moved on in their search for the Lion and he does not want to give away any hint that we know for a fact it is here, somewhere.” 

Finally, she chanced looking up, seeing the bewilderment and hurt in his expression settle as he drew his lips into a hardened line and his gaze flickered down to the boy in her arms. “You’re being punished.” It was not a question. 

“I compromised the mission,” Krolia replied flatly. She spoke the truth—she had let her emotions cloud her judgment. “…I had to tell him.”

“Krolia! You said—we agreed not to—!” 

“I blatantly disobeyed orders and broke contact for _months_. He was furious and demanded answers and I could not keep them from him!” Krolia only realized her voice was climbing when the child stirred, his face wrinkling up in displeasure. She forced herself to take a deep, shuddering breath. It took a lot more effort than she was willing to admit to keep her voice even when she continued. “So, yes, while it’s likely I’m being punished for insubordination, Kolivan is right to pull the plug on this mission. There’s no sense in needlessly risking Earth being detected and—”

“Forget about the mission, for God’s sake!” he shouted, throwing his hands wildly in the air. “How could you tell him when we _knew_ he would do this? We’re a _family_! You just had a _baby_! He… Our son isn’t even a week old yet and you’re just going to _leave_?”

“Dearest, please,” Krolia pleaded. The child whimpered, the beginnings of a tired tantrum, and Krolia shushed him. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her husband clamp his mouth shut. Once the child calmed and settled back into sleep, she turned back to him. “Kolivan is my commanding officer, it is true, but he… he is also my father. You have to understand, I never wanted… he deserved to know.”

A tense, heavy silence hung between them at that. “…you never told me that,” he said at last. 

“No,” Krolia admitted quietly, brushing a lock of hair from the boy’s face. “I didn’t.” 

He ran a hand through his hair, a humorless laugh echoing from his throat. “I guess there’s a lot of things you haven’t told me, huh?” 

Krolia didn’t have a response to that; he must have taken her silence as her answer. He leaned forward, practically deflating as the anger seeped from him. His shoulders drooped, and he propped his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands. Krolia couldn’t bring herself to watch his anguish, instead focusing on the steady back and forth of the swing.

“Did any of this mean _anything_ to you?” 

“ _Yes_ ,” Krolia said emphatically, her head snapping up. He’d lifted his gaze, and Krolia’s heart stuttered in her chest when she saw the way his eyes glistened with unshed tears. Normally so strong, so stoic, and she’d reduced him to tears. Her stomach roiled with guilt, now. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Even as a child, my life has always been put second to the mission, but you… You are the reason I found love. You and our son have taught me what that means. I only regret that I have hurt you so.” 

Tentatively, she gently freed her hand from the baby’s grip and reached out with it, placing it on his face only when he didn’t flinch away. He closed his eyes as she thumbed away a stray tear. “I want to believe you,” he said, his voice cracking. “I… I can go with you.” Krolia shook her head, a sad smile tugging on her lips. 

“I don’t doubt your skills as a marksman, my dear. You’re… how do you put it… ‘the best shot this side of the Rio Grande’?” It earned her a hollow chuckle and he leaned slightly into her touch, now. “But our child…” she looked back down at the sleeping bundle and was struck again by his size. How small and fragile and so very _human_ he seemed. It was a wonder how anything so small came from them, both so large by comparison. 

“It is safer for him, here, than anywhere I will be. The Empire shows little mercy to innocents.”

She knew he understood that, that so long as the Empire remained at large there truly was no safe place. But safer, yes. It was safer on Earth. Another beat of silence stretched on between them, and Krolia sighed when he placed a hand over hers, still holding his face. Relished in the way his fingers tightened around hers. 

“It is why I must go,” she whispered. “It’s not about the mission. It never was. I cannot risk losing you. Either of you. Earth is still yet hidden, and I will do whatever it takes to ensure it stays that way.”

The hand around hers relinquished hers, only for the arm attached to it to drape around her shoulders and pull her in closer. Krolia allowed herself the selfishness of indulgence, letting her head drop on his shoulder. He reached out with his other arm and tousled the boy’s hair. 

“You still haven’t picked out a name for him,” he murmured. It was an avoidance tactic if she ever saw one—she should know, she was a master of the art—but she pursed her lips, feeling the frown tug at the corners. 

“I… you should name him,” she said carefully. All the words she couldn’t say stuck to her throat. _I can’t. I don’t have the right to name him_. She felt his gaze linger on her, and she closed her eyes and focused on the warmth against her cheek. 

For a while, neither of them said anything more. Krolia continued her steady rocking of the swing, listening to the thrum of the steady heartbeat beside her. Around them the night grew steadily darker, the breeze turning chilly with the absence of the sun. 

“Keith.”

Krolia lifted her head in question when the shoulder she leaned on shifted. But his gaze was turned on their child, his hand still playing with the thin wisps of hair on the tiny crown. She blinked at him in confusion. “I’m sorry?” 

“The name Keith. What do you think?” 

She considered it, mulling it over. “Keith…” she tried aloud. It suited the boy’s face quite well, she thought. “It is a fine name. What does it mean?” 

A shrug was her answer. “Dunno if it has any special meaning, really. It was my grandfather’s name. But I figured, Keith, Krolia. Both K’s. That way he’d have some kind of a link to his mother, too.” 

Krolia’s heart swelled with more emotions than she had words to describe. She fought back the tears and tucked the blankets a little tighter around him. “Keith, huh? What do you think, little one?” The child did not answer, but he sighed in his sleep, and Krolia thought she might have seen a smile. It was answer enough for her. 

“Keith it is.”

When at last the chill settled deep into their skin, they moved to go back inside. Krolia continued to sway lightly where she dawdled in the kitchen, even as Keith woke hungry and began to fuss. She took her time feeding him, clutching him tightly to her chest as he ate. His tiny hand once again latched onto her finger. 

The child’s eyes began to droop, sooner than Krolia would have liked. Slowly, she set about getting him changed and ready for bed. Her husband lingered at her side the whole time, the finality of it all seeming to crack between them like a chasm. All too soon, she found herself beside Keith’s crib, rocking him to sleep for the last time.

“Dear child of mine,” she sang softly as tears burned their way down her cheeks, “cast your eyes to the stars. Dear child of mine, keep your gaze to the sky.” Her voice broke, and her arms trembled with the force of choking back a sob. “Look for the light in the distance, and there you shall find me, dear child of mine.” 

Keith whimpered only once when she put him in the crib, holding fast to her finger. She leaned over the rail of the crib and pressed a kiss to his forehead, using her free hand to stroke his hair. 

“You are so loved, my Keith,” she whispered, her lips to warm, tender skin. 

Blinking rapidly against another onslaught of tears, she straightened quickly, pulling her hand away before she had the chance to second-guess herself. With one last quivering glance, she turned on her heel and hurried from the nursery, swiping at her eyes. Her husband waited for her on the living room sofa, face buried in his hands again. Her go-bag and utility belt were propped up against the coffee table. 

He looked up when he heard her come into the room. “You’re really leaving, then.” It wasn’t accusatory, not like before. Krolia hated how miserable he sounded, hated the red rimming his eyes. She swallowed around the lump in her throat, managing a tight nod. He heaved a weary sigh and got to his feet, stopping at arm’s length away. 

“Promise me something, will you?”

Krolia waited, saying nothing and watching as his gaze roved over her, searching. His expression betrayed nothing but exhaustion, but she recognized the steely determination behind it. “Promise me you’ll come home. That you’ll come back and tell me all those things you haven’t told me yet. Promise me this isn’t the last time I’m ever going to see you.”

“You know I can’t promise that.” As much as she longed to, and as much as she loathed the fact that she was leaving at all. It wasn’t a promise she knew she could keep, and therefore one she could not make.

“Then I’ll keep searching for the Lion. I’ll find it and I’ll _make_ you come back.” 

Even as he spoke, Krolia felt the dread mount and she shook her head furiously. “No, don’t—please don't do anything to draw the Empire’s attention. Just—just—” She couldn’t help it; she threw herself across the distance and pulled him in for a crushing embrace. 

He returned the embrace with equal fervor, and she felt the hot tears where they dripped on the back of her neck. “Please stay alive,” he rasped. “If not for me, then for Keith. He needs his mother.” 

“I’ll try.” That much she could promise. For them. “I’ll try.” She forced herself to pull back and drew a steadying breath, an idea coming to her. Reaching for the utility belt, she unbuckled the clasp securing the sheath of her blade to it.

“If, stars forbid, the Empire does come calling… make sure Keith has this. You won’t be able to use it, not like he can. It will awaken to him when he needs it to.” She pressed the blade into his hands, closing his fingers around the worn leather and pointedly ignoring his pleading look. 

“Tell me you’ll keep him safe, dearest.”

“Until my dying breath,” he swore. His grip tightened around the blade so much that his knuckles turned white. 

He leaned forward and like gravity, Krolia felt pulled in by him, until their foreheads touched. A hand settled at the base of her neck and she clenched her hands at her sides to keep from doing the same. Neither said anything more. 

Krolia counted the heartbeats, one, two, ten, until she couldn’t stand it anymore and pulled away. It tore away at her heart, watching the last of his composure crumble and he reached out once more. But this time Krolia dodged away from his hand, stooping over to grab her belongings and spun for the door, wrenching it open and speeding through it. 

“Krolia…!” 

She did not turn back. She dared not turn back. If she turned back, she’d lose her nerve. But she did pause at the end of the driveway, lingering long enough to gaze up at the stars. She held dearly onto the hope that one day, maybe even one day soon, Keith would stand where she stood and see her coming on the horizon. 

Until that time, though, she had to fight. Fight for their future. 

And ignoring her husband’s broken calls, she marched alone into the inky night.

**Author's Note:**

> So season five was a roller coaster of emotions that I wasn't prepared for. This is probably going to be completely invalidated come season six, but I don't care. My take on why Krolia left Keith as a baby. Kolivan is his granddad and no one can convince me otherwise! I have Receipts™, ask me about 'em sometime. And I headcanon that Krolia was much softer before the world made her leave her family and go to war for 20 years before reuniting with her son.
> 
> Anyway... I should be working on Beacon but this little bugger kept nudging me until I wrote it. It's probably super self-indulgent on my part, but I had fun writing it, so I hope you enjoyed it too!


End file.
